but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
