There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
