The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
