I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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