she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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