how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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