Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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