i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
