I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
