tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dignity is for republicans.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
