How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
