I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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