Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
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Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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