Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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