True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
