he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
