She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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