she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
