Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
