i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize