I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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