i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
