i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
