I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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