What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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