Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Randomize
