If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize