well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
