There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
