it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
