well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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