OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
