I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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