State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
