You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
