I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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