Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
