So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
