Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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