Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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