put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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