Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
