i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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