I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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