I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
