i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
