oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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