Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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