I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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