you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
