my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
