There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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