U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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