things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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