I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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