Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
