You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
