Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Quick, to the slutcave!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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