Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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