Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.

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  (781): Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there? (603): Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die. http://tfl.nu/1bcd
  Replies (12) Good night (1101) Bad night (432)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my phone needs a breathalizer

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  (413): my phone needs a breathalizer http://tfl.nu/d0rn
  Replies (15) Good night (2173) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.

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  (631): It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself. http://tfl.nu/t99x
  Replies (16) Good night (3415) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.

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  (586): there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control. http://tfl.nu/uxm4
  Replies (13) Good night (1563) Bad night (3553) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.

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  (650): The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life. http://tfl.nu/2quw
  Replies (6) Good night (619) Bad night (4179) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away

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  (989): dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away http://tfl.nu/dlah
  Replies (30) Good night (1596) Bad night (7561)
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  (516): View more from New York

  we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan

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  (516): we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan http://tfl.nu/uipi
  Replies (16) Good night (5525) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

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  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (51) Good night (17104) Bad night (1387)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?

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  (803): If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right? http://tfl.nu/9kx0
  Replies (22) Good night (4181) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.

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  (954): 8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on. http://tfl.nu/8x7p
  Replies (6) Good night (5310) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.

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  (402): Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal. http://tfl.nu/0e3u
  Replies (9) Good night (1177) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.

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  (314): your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning. http://tfl.nu/cyj6
  Replies (3) Good night (1002) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?

  (319): View more from Iowa

  will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?

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  (612): So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me? (319): will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls? http://tfl.nu/9asz
  Replies (3) Good night (255) Bad night (784)
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  (585): View more from New York

  A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment

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  (585): A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment http://tfl.nu/nqpl
  Replies (1) Good night (823) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
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  (+45): View more from Denmark

  Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?

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  (+45): Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction? http://tfl.nu/7i71
  Replies (18) Good night (710) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt

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