Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
