Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
