I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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