she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
