Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
