I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
