Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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