lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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