They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
