Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
