Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
