She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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