So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
