I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
