What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
