So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
