Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
