why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
