i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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